I recently stepped into the role of lead pastor at Valwood Park Baptist Church at the beginning of the year. When the congregation hired me, they knew I was passionate about church revitalization and recognized that we would need to make significant changes together. The church has been around for 70 years. In that time, the community has changed dramatically, but the church has not. After a series of church splits over the past decade, the once-thriving congregation has struggled and decline has set in.
Knowing that change always breeds conflict, I’ve been working early and often to create an open feedback loop with the congregation. They don’t have to agree with everything. They don’t have to like everything. And most importantly, they should feel the freedom to express that to me without fear of judgment or reprisal.
Conflict, when handled well, can make us a better church. It can help us avoid pitfalls, execute on ideas more effectively, and stay true to the gospel. When it’s not handled correctly, it can create unnecessary division and threaten the very fabric of the church body. With this in mind, I recently introduced rules of engagement that we can follow when inevitable disagreement arises.
As part of this, I’ve encouraged everyone to consider the source of their disagreement whenever they feel uncomfortable with something. All three categories are valid reasons for disagreement, but should each be handled in different ways.
Theological Disagreements
Theological issues are easily the most important and delicate disagreements within the Body of Christ. When these arise, we must be careful. When we’re not self-aware, our doctrinal differences can breed pride and unnecessary controversy. At the same time, theology shapes the church in more ways than we often recognize. When our beliefs are in error, the consequences can be significant.
When approaching theological disagreement, it’s important to triage our own doctrines well. Is this a primary, secondary, or tertiary theological concern? Is this an issue where faithful Christians can agree to disagree? If your church leaders push back on your concern, is it foundational enough that you must consider moving on to another congregation?
It’s also important to separate theology from perceived motive. Do I truly know what your leaders believe about this particular issue, or are you making assumptions? When you meet with them, ask questions before you raise your concerns. Invite them to explain their position or posture on the topic. Use that as an opportunity to share how their language or decisions have come across.
You may find that your disagreement is as significant as you once feared. You may discover that you’re actually on the same page, but you misunderstood what they intended to communicate. You should even be open to your own convictions changing based on the discussion.
As a pastor, these conversations may be uncomfortable, but they are tremendously helpful to me. They can reveal blind spots in my communication on a particular topic. They can help me better understand how the congregation is thinking. They can even spur us on to deeper theological discussions that refine us.
Tactical Disagreements
Sometimes we agree on an idea. We agree on the theological aims behind it, but we disagree on the right approach. These types of differences often arise when we consider the practical operations in the church. Is it right for the congregation to take on debt? Do we really need this many people on staff? Is this outreach appropriate for the community? Should we really spend our money this way? We may agree on what the church needs. We may agree on what the Bible says. But we disagree on the implementation or the strategy.
While less concerned with the condition of the heart, these conversations can still get heated. In my new role, I’m faced with decisions every day that I’ve never considered before. I’ve always known these issues exist and matter, but they’ve never been my problem. Having others in the room to offer their opinions has been beneficial.
If you find yourself wrestling with your church’s approach to a matter, bring it up. Explain what you’ve noticed. Ask them to unpack their reasoning. Humbly show them how you might approach things if you were in their position. They may be considering factors you were unaware existed. On the other hand, you may be bringing much-needed perspective to important and costly decisions.
Personal Disagreements
Personal preference can be a sticky matter within the church. Being honest with yourself is important when a decision or approach unnerves you. Could your disagreement be a personal issue masquerading as a theological or tactical one? There might not be anything wrong with a particular style of music. You just don’t like it. There might not be a problem with home groups vs. Sunday school. You just really prefer one over the other.
As a pastor, I believe personal preference still matters. I want to know if my people struggle with something, even if they can’t give me a chapter-and-verse rebuttal to my idea. It helps me remain sensitive to their desires while allowing me to care for them well.
However, danger arises when we assign theological weight to personal concerns. This is when bitterness takes hold, disagreement becomes divisive, and avoidable church splits become inevitable. If we’re not careful, we can put words in God’s mouth to protect our wishes and desires. It takes humility and self-awareness to see these concerns for what they really are.
When your church leaders make a decision that rubs you the wrong way, strongly consider how you would categorize your concern. Is it theological, tactical, or personal?
Discuss it with a trusted friend and invite him or her to offer feedback. Then, take the issue to your leaders with humility and honesty. Don’t fear conflict or disagreement; rather, recognize its source and address it accordingly.
