Throughout most of my ministry, I’ve managed communications for the churches and non-profits I’ve served. This involves bringing together a lot of disciplines – graphic design, video production, social media management, and web development to name a few. Though there is plenty of artistry and strategy behind these mediums, they all serve one singular purpose: communicating a clear message.
I’ve been working in the communications space long enough that other churches and ministries will occasionally reach out to me for help. Typically, when this happens, it’s because a ministry is having a hard time engaging their audience. Donations are drying up. New volunteers aren’t coming in anymore. If it’s a church, they’ve stopped growing. When this happens, their first instinct is to say, “we have a communications problem.” In their minds, all of their issues can be fixed with a new website or a refreshed logo.
But more often than not, I find that the communications issues they’re experiencing are really just symptoms of something deeper. Most of the time, they don’t have a communications problem. They have a heart problem.
If it’s a church that isn’t seeing visitors anymore, its usually because their people have lost a passion for seeing others come to know Jesus. If it’s a nonprofit with fewer donations, it’s because their donors no longer trust them. If people are complaining about not knowing how to plug in, it’s because the leaders have not been disciplined about their mission and its sewing confusion. I’ve often found that I can help them with the cosmetic issues, but I can’t fix the leadership problems. I can find better ways of getting their message across, but I can’t heal the mission creep that has set in over time.
A Matter of the Heart
This is just as true for people. As Jesus is speaking to the Pharisees who are conspiring against him in Matthew 12, he challenges them, “How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
We all have friends who, for all their charm, are terrible communicators. They offend people, only to later apologize and say, “that came out wrong.” They fail to read the room. They joke when they should be serious. They drip passive aggression or back-handed insults. And while we all have moments when our words fail us, it’s often pointing to something deeper when this becomes a recurring issue.
Our words, perhaps more than anything else, reveal our hearts. So what we say – and how we say it – deeply matters. This is why the topic comes up so many times throughout the Scriptures, especially in the book of Proverbs.
The Power of Words
In Proverbs 18:20-21, it says,
From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Words, when used well, can bring life. The writer describes speech as a fruit that can satiate a person’s appetite and provide fulfillment. They can soothe the soul, calm the anxious, and lift up the broken – not just for the person receiving them, but even the individual saying them.
But anything powerful enough to bring life and flourishing can also be used for destruction. You don’t have to scroll very far down any news website to see examples of how careless words have the capacity to destroy careers, drive people to suicide and despair, break up relationships, and ruin communities.
Throughout the book, Proverbs gives clear guidance regarding how we should use our words. We see that they should be honest and truthful, yet seasoned with love. They should be courageous, not simply filled with empty flattery. They should be used with discipline, not flippantly or carelessly.
Addressing The Real Issue
But if you were to read through Proverbs and walk away thinking, “I need to work on my personal communication,” you’d be missing the point. If what we communicate flows from the heart, it’s the heart that needs to be addressed.
Now, will we occasionally speak the wrong words with the right heart? Sure! We all make mistakes. But if you find that this is a recurring struggle for you, it’s time to ask God to renovate the space where your words originate.
If you struggle with telling the truth about others, could it be that you really just struggle with believing the best about them? If you routinely exaggerate, editorialize, or spread conjecture about situations, could it be that you just love controversy?
Do you have a problem with gossip, venting to friends, or rehearsing your frustrations with other people? Could it be that you lack the courage to directly address your issues with the right person?
Are you the one who constantly “tells it like it is” but lacks any sense of love in your speech? Could it be that you just lack grace towards those who disagree with you? Could your heart just be hardened toward them?
If you are too quick to speak, could there be unacknowledged pride that makes you feel you have to be heard? That you must have the final word? That people must know where you stand on any given issue?
It seems so much easier to say, “I need to work on my communication skills.” But if this is a recurring problem, it may be time to dig deeper. The good news is that when we have heart issues that drive communication issues, we have a God who knows our hearts better than we do. He knows what drives us, and he alone holds the power to transform us from the inside out.
Take your communication issues seriously for what they truly represent. But know that you can do it without fear of condemnation. The same God who knows you fully loves you fully and can transform you fully.
A Quick Note: This article is adapted from a sermon I preached last year as part of an ongoing series in Proverbs. You can watch the entire message here.
